A Story With A Moral
by Maidenhair
Summary: A 'Dirty Beasts' style ditty on the time when Erik decided that the chandelier was in the way.


A Story with a Moral 

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, places, and events described in poem yonder. (Alas! Alack!)

_Regardless of flames,_

_And icy reviews,_

_And fans' pains,_

_And characters' blues, _

_I must tell -despite shames-_

_The tale that I now choose._

_For it 'twas in the night,_

_After many a gallant fight,_

_Between various aristos,_

_(Drunk to their big toes,)_

_O'er who would be better,_

_The dancer or diva,_

_To take out for cheese curls,_

_After the theater._

_And the music played,_

_-Not the best ever made,_

_But enough to cause,_

_An applause like parade-_

_The diva was singing,_

'_till ears were ringing,_

_Like bells that toll,_

_To warn the peoples –whole-_

_Of the approach of an oncoming troll._

_Up in the boxes,_

_In golden lockes,_

_Wearing skinned foxes,_

_Sat Miss Moxes,_

_What she has to do,_

_With the saga I now tell,_

_I haven't a clue,_

_You won't as well._

_There was this foppish fellow,_

_Dressed in lace of yellow,_

_Whose name was quite mellow,_

_It, was Raoul, poor devil,_

_What a terrible name!_

_It deserves a flame,_

_Burn it up!_

_Chop it up!_

_Place it in pain!_

_Raoul was watching,_

_For his darling,_

_A girl named Christine,_

_Whose name is on the listing,_

_In the personal ads,_

_Of a tacky paper,_

_Created by cads,_

_Who live in the theater._

_Christine's role was small,_

_And only a tad perverse,_

_Because she was a lassie,_

_And her character was reverse,_

_But thus was the casting,_

_Regardless of reason,_

_Christy-girl played a boy,_

_Not yet out of child's season._

_Christine sang very badly,_

_Her voice was weak and weary,_

_For she had been up till day's sally,_

_Dueling her voice-coach in Parcheesi,_

_She now was very tired,_

_Her vocal luster had expired,_

_The opera managers wished her fired,_

_Or at least respectably retired._

_Up in a box known as five,_

_There was hollow column,_

_In which one could bury alive,_

_A thief or pirate common,_

_But that was not what it was used for,_

_It belonged to a phantom,_

_Who really wasn't dead yet,_

_Come on phantom, up and at 'em!_

_The phantom's names was Erik, _

_Which meant 'proud ruler of all',_

_(In truth his name was Fredrik,_

_But he didn't like that at all!)_

_He lived in the opera,_

_Off fried sardines and mustard,_

_-Occasionally he would also dine,_

_Off turtle soup and custard._

_Erik watched Christine also,_

_-Not that he was sleazy-_

_He admired the girl!_

_(She beat him at Parcheesi!)_

_Erik was sour tempered,_

_And not in a bliss filled mood,_

_His casting had been hampered, _

_By the Diva who had scampered,_

_Into the auditions,_

_With a manner much rude, _

_And stolen the leading,_

_What was meant for Christine._

_What was worse,_

_And even worser,_

_And woserest of them all,_

_Was the cold fact that,_

_The managers had,_

_Taken box five,_

_Seat and all!_

'_Twas time for vengeance and,_

_Open wild war,_

_Sifting like hourglass sand,_

_Was the destiny for,_

_The disruption of the opera,_

_And the removal a',_

_A certain ugly light-fixture,_

_That blotted out the view and glister._

_It was as the diva sang,_

_Her lines for act the third,_

_And as the audiences' ears rang,_

_A singular, amphibious sound was heard,_

_For when Carlotta did proclaim,_

"_I feel without alarm!"_

_A noise that scholars –all acclaimed-_

_State is the call of quite barm,_

_An animal as a toad,_

_Through the music road,_

_And sent the patrons a metaphorical whack,_

_For she sang "Cawak! Cawak!"_

_Erik liked this odd amusement of the day,_

_He contrived it with ventriloquism,_

_And further caused disarray,_

_To those in the play,_

_By sending down,_

_To the ground,_

_The infamous light fixture,_

_Known to us all as a chandelier._

_This story is now over,_

_And the moral is quite clear,_

_When you want to make a point,_

_Cut down a chandelier!_

**Bring on da reviews!**


End file.
